ANGRY AS HELL!

Had to stay home from school today and yesterday because my cold was kicking my butt.My literature grade is probably down in the low thirties now. My other grades are just fine. Literature is the hardest because the teacher is stone age basically and she is so lame. At this moment in time, I officially hate Shakespeare. Who ever it was who started the tradition of studying him in schools...I hope they aren't happy...or at least as miserable as I am. Odds are we're giong to have to recite some of the stuff in the play. If I have to participate, I will play the Capulet's stupid servant. He has but one part, at least I think he does. I want to play someone who has one paragraph to say in the story so I can read it and go about my business.

My parents tell me that I shouldn't have a crush on Michael because I don't know him that well. I also shouldn't overlook the guys I hang out with because that's more important than some cute guy I just met. Well, you know what, I'm just not attracted to the guys I hang out with, and Michael has a girlfriend. I'm just not going to bother with it. For some reason, I'm just not attractive to the guys that I like. If I have to, I'll just be one of those old hags who lives with a bunch of cats and dies a virgin since I'm basically not allowed to like guys outside my friend circle. I tried that whole liking your friends first before liking people you don't know, and I got my feelings hurt, twice.
My parents, AND his parents, told me that he was just taking advantage of me for so many reasons unknown, and it was 75% true. So, if that's going to be the case with cute guys AND guys that I know well enough to trust with a piece of my feelings, then fuck it. If I find someone cute who is interested in me, I'll just be his friend first. I don't care anymore.

I mean for some reason, I have not been liked by guys I have crushes on. Usually they are really rude to me. The one time I find a guy who is decent to me and doesn't start judging me first hand, he ends up having a girlfriend, he's not interested and my parents keep saying that he's just acting to get my help on academic subjects. I can't stand that. Then when I do ask if I can start dating they say that I can't because THEIR PARENTS wouldn't let them date until they were sixteen. THAT TOTALLY SUCKS! It's not even taht I want to be like everyone else. It's just like I said before. If a cute guy EVER asked me out at my age now, I would have to say "no" because I can't date. Then again, THAT wouldn't happen either because I'm not attractive, remember?

I'm going to go get ready for school tomorrow....

Later,
K.Girl

Stressed Out: Highschool Style

Okay anyway, continuing on my rant, I still have a crush on Michael. I know he has a girlfriend and I've tried getting to know him twice and it didn't work. When tell myself he doesn't care that works too, but when he waves at me or stares at me and smiles I can't help but want to be friends and get to know him better. I'm WAY TO SHY to just walk up to him and start talking to him or ask him for his e-mail address because of fear of rejection or embarrassment. My biology class is okay, it's a little hard and I can get help from friends and the teacher. My algebra class is okay too. I have a 81 and a 92 in those classes. My troubles are orchestra and literature. I'm not failing orchestra, it's just that the concert is Thursday and me myself and I sound terrible. I'm going to get put in the back of the class because I'm out of tune sometimes [a little more often that usual. I don't have a perfection peg Cello like I used to. She assigned Cellos and Aaron gets to play the brand new one while I get stuck with a hard to tune, extra sensitive Cello.]. I'm not liking that class. If I'm in first chair and I play a wrong note, she will bite my head off literally. I don't want to get kicked out of orchestra. I like playing my Cello and private lessons are too expensive. I'm failing literature and I really hate that class. It's really irritating [we are doing Romeo and Juliet and I can't understand anything they are saying because it's in Olde English Tongues]. The teacher is the lamest excuse for a teacher and that class is no where near exciting. It's one of those classes you would love to skip, but I can't because I'm afraid of the consequences from the staff and my parents. It's too much to deal with right now. I want a boyfriend, but when I mentioned that feeling to my Dad, he basically said no way until your finished getting your life together [education, career, lifestyle, etc...]. It may not seem like a big deal, but for someone who has been known to be annoying and disliked all around by boys, period, it would be a big thing if someone did ask me out. It would really mean alot if they did.

Going to take a nap now because I'm really sleepy and depressed.

Later.
K.Girl